Oh No, Not Another Uphill Ahead...

Make: Hyundai

Model: Elantra

Lowdown: One of the most underpowered cars I have ever had the pleasure of driving, the Elantra isn't a car you'd choose if you wanted to get anywhere on time. Oh yes, Hyundai claims it may have 33mpg on the highway, but in order to actually GET anywhere on the highway, you'd be flooring it constantly, cutting your mileage way down. And anyways, anyone who actually took this car on the highway would be crazy. "Honey, can you pass this guy? He keeps staring at me and winking." "No, sorry babe, I can't. We took the Elantra, remember?" "Oh dear..." To put it simply, the anemic 138 hp engine is just not large enough to move 2900 lbs of car anywhere soon. At least you'll be safe in a crash, because you won't be able to get up to speed enough to have a dangerous crash at all.

Verdict: Fugly!

Hurry Honey, RUN!

Make: Chevy

Model: HHR

Lowdown: If I were trying to design the woody of the present, I would have at least put some wood on it, just sayin'. This, "passenger automobile" looks more like a schnauzer's face than anything people with dignity should ever be seen in. The bulbous front fenders remind me of my grandfather's armchair, not of hitting the beach. No, you have to pay $465 for a roof rack if you want to do that. One semi-mediocre thing about this car is that you can have a 260 HP engine put in as an option, which will at least get you out of the way of other people on the highway, or help you get away faster when the fashionistas start laughing at you. The HHR is also available in a rapist-van version with the back windows paneled up, if the extra privacy is worth $310.

Verdict: Fugly!

The Fastest of the Fugly

Make: Gumpert

Model: Apollo

Lowdown: Although the looks of this car could leave you wanting more, the way in which this beast handles will leave your face (which will be ripped off sideways) asking for less. The engineers of this car are so intent on getting every detail perfect that they won't even let you move your seat forward or backward, because that will mess with their perfect weight distribution. And although almost every part of this car is adjustable -- the brakes, the suspension, the traction control -- you're best to just leave it alone. The folks at Gumpert (Ugh, what a name!) probably know the best configuration, as this car is unbeatable around a track. The Apollo is also available in three trim levels: Crazy, Mad, and Psychotic at 650, 700, and 800 HP, respectively. With that much power on tap, it probably doesn't really matter what it looks like, as the Apollo will be able to get away from any criticism before it's even been said.

Verdict: Fast!

Not so Smart.

Make: Smart Car

Model: Fortwo

Lowdown: This car represents everything you don't want in a car. Fake roof? Check. Tires skinnier than my mountain bike? Check. 71 HP? Yep, we got that too. I mean seriously, this car may have a purpose in downtown London, but in places like Southern California, all it takes is for a Hummer driver to get angry, and then let's hope you have good insurance.

Verdict: Fugly!