Oh No, Not Another Uphill Ahead...

Make: Hyundai

Model: Elantra

Lowdown: One of the most underpowered cars I have ever had the pleasure of driving, the Elantra isn't a car you'd choose if you wanted to get anywhere on time. Oh yes, Hyundai claims it may have 33mpg on the highway, but in order to actually GET anywhere on the highway, you'd be flooring it constantly, cutting your mileage way down. And anyways, anyone who actually took this car on the highway would be crazy. "Honey, can you pass this guy? He keeps staring at me and winking." "No, sorry babe, I can't. We took the Elantra, remember?" "Oh dear..." To put it simply, the anemic 138 hp engine is just not large enough to move 2900 lbs of car anywhere soon. At least you'll be safe in a crash, because you won't be able to get up to speed enough to have a dangerous crash at all.

Verdict: Fugly!

Hurry Honey, RUN!

Make: Chevy

Model: HHR

Lowdown: If I were trying to design the woody of the present, I would have at least put some wood on it, just sayin'. This, "passenger automobile" looks more like a schnauzer's face than anything people with dignity should ever be seen in. The bulbous front fenders remind me of my grandfather's armchair, not of hitting the beach. No, you have to pay $465 for a roof rack if you want to do that. One semi-mediocre thing about this car is that you can have a 260 HP engine put in as an option, which will at least get you out of the way of other people on the highway, or help you get away faster when the fashionistas start laughing at you. The HHR is also available in a rapist-van version with the back windows paneled up, if the extra privacy is worth $310.

Verdict: Fugly!

A little too "everyday"

Make: Toyota

Model: Camry

Lowdown: The fact that it's the best-selling car in America isn't a testiment to its greatness, or it's value for the money, it's just an indicator that it's the most, well - ordinary - car in America. The Camry is at the epitome of unoriginality. It's not special in any way, it's just a car. Now lets apply some simple logic: The Toyota Camry is the most popular car in America. Most American drivers are horrible drivers. Ipso facto, most Camry drivers are horrible drivers. Especially the champagne colored Camry drivers (the car not the people), who always, ALWAYS get in your way. It's not a bad car, unfortunately it's the mediocrity of its owners who have dragged it down where it is now.

Verdict: Fugly!

PT Loser

Make: Chrysler

Model: PT Cruiser

Lowdown: Aparently Chrysler wanted this car to appeal to those from the generation of woodies, the Beach Boys, and really short swim trunks. Unfortunately, all they really sold it to is people who like to go slowly in the left lane. As a result, traffic jams are on the rise, fuel consumption is up, car exhaust pollution is up, and global warming has increased. Thanks, Chrysler PT Cruiser drivers, for destroying our planet.

Verdict: Fugly!

Not so Smart.

Make: Smart Car

Model: Fortwo

Lowdown: This car represents everything you don't want in a car. Fake roof? Check. Tires skinnier than my mountain bike? Check. 71 HP? Yep, we got that too. I mean seriously, this car may have a purpose in downtown London, but in places like Southern California, all it takes is for a Hummer driver to get angry, and then let's hope you have good insurance.

Verdict: Fugly!